Love's Adverse Disguise

drenched in hate
the love is obscure
ironic is such fate
when love is shy and demure

tickled with animosity
love chuckles from afar
and despite its atrocity
love leaves its door ajar

greetings, fake hostility.
how are you, faux bête noire?
love is hiding next to tranquility
and hate knows exactly where you are.

You can't break a broken heart;;*

Currently listening to : "Life as a shorty" - Fashaun

So its completely evident in my life that I put alot on my plate right now. Between balencing school and work, and even volunteer work, I know the pressure is going to break me down at some point.

Shit keeps happening in life, but seriously, I don't expect ANYONE to pity me at all because shit happens to everyone. But personally, I'm really sick of being the victim.

So yesterday I lost my wallet, after I just cashed my check. I know. WTF I don't even know where I left it, and I only took it out at ONE point in the day. I retraced my steps. Someone obviously picked it up for their selfish benefit.

How's my love life, you ask? Okay so you don't care but I'll let it out anyway. My love life is vacant. It looks like an abandoned house that you know has a story behind it. One that just sits there, the occasional hoodlum breaks in but of course they don't stay. I was talking to this guy, we hung out on the daily. I guess we were taking things really fast, but I was really feeling him. Its ironic because at first I was very doubtful of him. He seemed like a player. Shoulda gone with my instincts, huh? Well turns out "I was an idiot to think he ever liked me" his words exactly. Asshole. And when I tried to convey my feelings to him, he took it as DRAMA and blew me off!

It was all because he said we weren't sexually compatible. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? And that of course, got me a little tight, because I've never heard that in my LIFE. So I said something that I can't recollect, and he says this shit. I wrote him a poem and I felt really stupid for doing so, after all was said and done, so I lied to him and said I wrote it for another guy. Stupid move because now he thinks I lied to him about everything from the start.


So right now, I'm all FUCK love HELLO academics :/ I don't think that's very healthy for me because I'm the type of person who needs interaction. I really do think i NEED it because I need to constantly be in touch with people.

Tomorrow I'm going out somewhere with this new guy in my life, Angel. Don't get any crazy ideas, the distance is unbearable so idk. But I am pretty psyched to finally hang out with him.


Thats all she wrote for now. I'm gonna be posting alot more often, I got a new laptop babes! ;]


Thanks for listening.
1Love.

iii wish i could fly away from here

You're reading this, I hope!

Well lately I've been mildly philosophizing.. I kinda gave up my faith in christianity for a faith in nothing. So what am I working for in life? To make a difference i guess. I just feel so caged up in my house. I mean being 17 I know I'm not 18 but I sure as hell feel like I'm 50.

I've been falling out of all I used to love to do. I miss building my beautiful vocabulary. I was once able to vociferate my feelings through a set of ostentatious words and now it's just a typhoon of jumbled ideas in my brain. Kinda like a knot you really don't feel like untangling!!

Anyway lately alot of people have been trying to get to know me for some reason. Its overwhelming. Because I'M getting to know myself right now. One minute I'm listening to Fur Elise and the next minute im listening to Kid cudi. I confuse myself!

I've been planning my future lately but i want something set in stone. Tomorrow I'm gonna go scholarship hunting and perhaps write a few essays for some. Good idea? I think so.


Love life? Idk.. Got someone in mind


I miss my best friend teresa! (not allowed to chill! her 'rents hate me cuz we snuck out!! when i slept over!!)

I wanna escape though.
Save up lots of money.
Leave.

Come back later and see who noticed i was gone~! :P

that sounded really emo but im not really feelin emo.

anyway i'm gonna write back tomorrow. :P


PCRS.

how can another human life have the power to take over mine?

So I ended up moving back in with the momsters.

Got a job.

Whoo hoo..

&& I'm SO sick of people. I really just want to find some people that are worth talking to! Not a waste of breath! Like "Hi and Bye" is getting so annoying. Whatever happened to "This is why we live" and other controversial conversations??

Well anyway I dont really feel like writing right now

just wanted to update

Peacesters!

sasha babykins

eat my words

My words by: Sasha Willey

My words imitate perfection and start to grind
as your cerebellum begins to masticate
and slowly acidifies your mind…

it's like they're advocates for acetate
words so strong they absquatulate
taking your thoughts with them

a plethora of biters, they're results are forced to coacervate
must I really elaborate? lets collaborate
put our minds together and be combinate
your mind will be so aroused it'll wanna copulate

let's go deliberate, deonerate, forget about having to dissipate
let me demonstrate how to avoid being a degenerate...
eliminate ignorance and duplicate bliss
because those two words will never be synonymous

writing.

I miss writing. I noticed this as I crave the exertion of force from my pen to my paper. I miss the rhyming, the reaching into the back of my mind for words that describe my thoughts in perfect timing. I feel suffocated. Like my mind has an appetite for jotting each word down like a needle to skin,

a memoir of the bleeding and healing of my mind. Like grabbing a skateboard and starting to grind. I put my mind in drive and my words come alive. Its like a leech feeding off of my blood, a tsunami of words; the synthesis of a flood. Its like everything I think of has already been said, my mind schemes to put obsolete thoughts to shred. Heart's racing at 200 beats a second, blood vessels constricting it's hard to reckon. Will these words break me? Will I fall? If I hit the graphite, I died giving it my all.

Its not far to never never land

So today was a pretty decent day. I woke up a little late, (meaning 5:55 AM) and went about my day. I got to school and took the CPT (College Placement Test). I finished early enough to make it to my anatomy class, meaning I had to present my STD project; on the Human Papilloma Virus, also known as HPV. I did pretty kickass, considering I did every ounce of research THE DAY it was due, and got away with presenting it today.

Then.. I saw "CHUBBY SHARK" after school. Teresa (the best friend) and I call him that due to his half-mohawk and his little chubby cheeks. Anyway he's really starting to like me alot. He's honestly the only guy that I'm talking to right now that's serious about me. We had a really good moment.

So off I go onto the LYNX bus. Unfortunately I know several people who ride it.. And they are just pests. Three of the dudes call me "Spongebob". Why?? Because of my teeth! How immature. Instead of getting pissed today, I embraced their theory of the spongebob correlation and laughed WITH them.

I swear I've been eating all day.

I'm still waiting on some feedback on my job applications for several stores at the florida mall.

Gotta do my math and peer counseling project! Toodle-loo! Ha.