Everything they say is bad feels so good

I've been afflicted by addictions. I won't tell you what they are.

Anyway, I've been craving some spontaneity. Some random ideas, creativity. What happened to the guys that wanna take you skydiving? So anyway I think I'm looking for something serious in a guy but I wanna take it slow. Cuz last time someone tried to talk to me, they took it too fast and I kinda shut them out. It's not really because I didn't like them, it's just that it kinda scared me because it's something I'm not exactly used to.

Let me reiterate something: every time I write in my blog, I think of someone who apparently has forgotten about me. Because camilo's the reason why I even started this blog. Anyway, I'm gonna go get dressed and str8en my hair. Call me before my casa phone is disconnected.

Pcers.
Sash.

It's been a while

Gay.

Am I?

I'm not even sure anymore. Lately, I've been so boy crazy that I've been questioning my "sexual orientation". I mean, I'm attracted to girls, but definitely not in the sense that I might be attracted to a guy. Butttttt I definitely get little crushes. But are they really crushes? Or do I just WANT them to be crushes? I'm just trying to be real. I don't want to claim a title that doesn't neccessarily apply to me. I mean... I don't run around the school screaming "HEY I'M BI" just as a straight person wouldn't go running around screaming "Yo I'm straight!" Wtf... That is YOUR business. If I'm bi, I'm bi. Fuck haters, fuck skeptics, fuck your mom. Lol. JKKK jk. Not even. Who says you have to pick one? Why can't you just be a human? Who cares about labels like gay, straight, or bi?? I think it's just superfluous information people use just to give themselves another quality. Seriously. Are you that boring?? Anyway, Imma write more later, I gotta get to my online personal fitness class. Hah. Procrastination is seriously my specialty.

Talk to ya later hoes

sasha

WHOA details.

Didn't go to school today. *Sick*. Seriously though. I was coughing and headache-ing, and sneezing, and in pain, period. I found out the other day that I had to go to a desposition [sp?] for a possible trial in the future. Wow this was soo overwhelming because it meant I had to relive a crazy incident all over again. The public defender [more like staunch defender] was practically probing me, and I was supposed to be the victim. Man it was awkward.

Walking into a court house, people seem so uptight. With their business suits and suitcases. You can't help but wonder... What the hell do they have in that stupid suitcase? Then there are the people that are there for their own issues.. You walk down the corridor and they stare at you as if they can guess your reason for being there. Yeahhh I was just glad it was only 1hr and 1/2.

Today I went into this extreme TV mode and watched "Failure to Launch" (greatttt movie.) and "Affinity" (verrry different.)

Affinity was about these lesbian women [no it wasnt porn] and it back in conservative 1800s times.. Anyway, it was quite the weird movie of the year. It goes in the same category as "American Beauty".

So I went crazy today with an overcoming feeling of unproductiveness so I decided I am gonna write a list.

I am no longer depending on other people to fix my problems, or even listen to them!

No longer will I share my secrets with more than 1-2 people that I really love/care about.

I won't be allowing guys to control my decisions

I'll be writing in this blog more often, exercising my mind because "Lord" knows how long that's been..

Stop saying things like "oh my god" or "jesus christ" since I don't believe in either.

I can't remember any more right now. lol
So anyways.. Thats all I feel like posting. Here, I'll take a picture for goodbye's sake=]

My day. Sucked?

Yep.. Today was one of those days... First off it started out with this guy I'm talking to. We're not

exclusive but we do things that an exclusive couple does. He tried to leave with the sorriest

goodbye ever so I slammed the door in his face [i didnt want him to leave in the first place..]

It made me so mad because everytime he comes to my house [or the opposite] something

random always comes up and he has to go within 10-20 minutes, [20 if im lucky!]... He treats

me as if I am lucky to have him when to be honest, he's lucky to have me because he does

nothing to make me happy! Well today I told him how he is losing me and just can't have

me anymore. He took the "give me a chance.. i'm so pressured" approach. This pissed

me off even more because I was never pressuring him.. He was just pushing me away!

Afterwards [sorry for all the ranting...] I got into 6th period and my teacher Mrs. Earle kept

scolding me and she took away my phone and all I did was look at the time... Ridiculous shit.



Anyway... Glad I got that off my chest. He only loves me when I leave him so maybe I should

be out of his life forever if I want him to feel the same way about me as I do him!

UGHHHH.

-Right now I'm listening to Avant's "When it hurts"
-It reminded me, sadly, of my "relationship" with Jay.
-My neck is KILLING me.
-The library is really stuffy and I smell my perfume 3x more than earlier
-I miss so many people :[
-Tired of shedding tears;;;

R

OK so...

I'm writing this blog.

I'm getting really annoyed at the sound of
my parents eating. So I'm deciding to write
a blog later. -__-.


Sasha

Oh honey get over yourself.

So I've been given lots of options lately...

-To move back with my nana and go to my old school [ghs] and leave schs
-To keep talking to this guy who takes me for granted or just find somebody else
-To volunteer at give kids the world, or the local hospital
-To stay working at sea world or get a different job.


I have mixed feelings about options. I hate having so many but I hate having none.

Random facts about right now:

*I swear theres a future pimple on my nose
*I need something to drink! [just had sunchips for dinner. yes dinner.]
*I've been dying to have a meaningful conversation. I'm tired of this "lets fuck" bullshit.
*My brother is smashing a grocery bag with no reasoning.
*I cleaned my whole house today when I was by myself
*I'm listening to common [who is awesome]
*I'm textin Camilo
*Emmanuel and his buddy are gonna come chillax at my casa for a bit.


anyway... this past week was whooo let's just say "different".

I've come to the realization that I'm talking to a LOSER!!!! Ugh a straight up loser. I seriously have to drop him immediately. He makes me feel inferior all the time [so not the case] and I'm FOREVER helping him with everything but the minute I ask for a favor, he doesn't have my back. Ok buddy. TTYN. End of that subject.

Last night I had an amazing experience.

I had the choices to either go to

a) give kids the world
or b) club coco's teen night

And of course... I chose a) give kids the world. For those that don't know, give kids the world is an organization that gives away free week-long vacations to families that have a child(ren) with a terminal illness. I had the opportunity to serve dinner to these families and let me just say these are the sweetest kids you'll ever meet. One of them just came out of nowhere and thanked me. For nothing. I did nothing. [aww]. Oh by the way, a terminal illness is an active and malignant disease that cannot be cured or adequately treated and that is reasonably expected to result in the death of the patient.

Fact: Give kids the world has Christmas every Thursday because some of the kids won't make it to Christmas this year.

I get crazy goosebumps with the idea of these kids knowing they're gonna die. And I see these huge smiles on their faces. I absolutely love volunteering there.


See if we all just come together, get a job and volunteer elsewhere, I swear our economy would rise. Too bad most of us are too lazy. We can't be independent individuals without complaining. We even choose to dress and look like everybody else. wtf.

Now that I've succeeded in changing the subject completely, lol, I might as well close.

Thanks for reading, and until next time honey.

Sasha Audrey.

Its like that.

So lately I've been changing my opinions and I'm getting insight in more subjects.

Regrets? Those are for losers. I think you should just start over new when you want to! Who's to say whether it was a real change or not? Umm, no one? I don't care what people think about me, I get by. I can spend a night alone. I've been judging people a little too much lately and I figured I can save myself from falling into a pit of pure ignorance. I want to start to look at each person and try to see myself in them. If I can't, I like them.

The grass is greener on the other side. I want to meet the people who I would never want to hang out with. I want to go on a date with a guy opposite of my type. Stereotyping is SO last decade. Come on. All you're doing is conforming to society's views of normal and abnormal. Develop your OWN FREAKING OPINION.



On another note... Today I was given the assignment to choose a side: "Legalizing prostitution" or "Still criminalizing prostitution. I'm for legalizing it.

Wanna know why?

Cuz think about it. Whether it is legal or not, it's going to happen in society. Trying to prevent it [using our parents tax dollars must I say,] is like trying to put out a brush fire in a blazing forest. It's just not going to happen.

You might say HIV is spreading because of prostitution.Welllll, if we legalized it, and organized this into an industry where these "entertainers" would be required to take tests every 2 weeks, don't you think it would actually decrease the amount of HIV cases in the US right now?

I think so..

And police departments in major cities all over America are wasting their hours where they could be tracking murderers and instead bug hotel rooms to watch prostitutes engage in coitus with their clients? It's been found that they've accidentally bugged married couples in hotel rooms engaging in activity for the sole purpose of procreation.

Prostitution is a choice of the individual. If he or she wants to sell their bodies, it is up to them. Who are we to say what they can and can't do to their bodies? Prostitution has been around since the middle ages, perhaps even before that. It is the oldest profession.

Many prostitutes are getting abused by their pimps and are too afraid to report this activity because it's already illegal that they are prostituting so they wouldn't want to get caught. If it's legalized, we can better control this pimp on prostitute violence.

I'm tired of hearing about hooker busts [which are on average 2,000 dollars each] and I just think we should put an end to crowding the prisons with prostitutes.

Weekend ruined?

Well I'm not going to go into detail about last night.. But lets just say I didn't get home until 8am this morning [from being out since 10pm]...in the back of a cop car.

Anyway, today I felt lonely & needed a friend.


I felt like I was falling apart. I'm slowly putting back the pieces.


I'll tell you more when I feel like typing my heart out.

xoxo; sasha

random pics son

xx

My boring ass day in detail.

Currently listening to: "What is love" by Haddaway.


Alright, so apparently I'm new to this whole blogging thing. In case you didn't know, my name is Sasha. You can call me Sasha. =]

I'm getting ridiculously addicted to myspace, so I was thinking "hmm, maybe I should try to get addicted to writing a blog instead" and I insisted to myself that it was in fact a good idea.

We'll see... This fucking song feels the need to skip. I hate songs that skip. Alright so I changed it to Wayne Wonder.


***Lets talk about my day :P***

Okay so every morning this guy named Edward comes to my house so he can walk me to school. Well I got tired of this daily occurance and kind of annoyed by him so I made him leave my life. I know. I'm really mean :(

Not really, I'm actually nice... I hope. As you can see I'm very indecisive. This will hopefully change soon.

BACK TO MY DAY...

so i walked to school alone... and on my way there, i apply lip gloss of course. [so interesting, i know]

all of a sudden it starts getting annoyingly windy, and a bug comes out of nowhere! seriously! it landed on my lips. it was pretty wtf-ish.

i pretend it didn't happen and kept walking of course.. i really start wishing that i knew as many people in skank cloud as i did at gateway. i don't like the feeling that alot of people are looking/staring at me when i'm walking alone. i feel insecure, as if the only reason why they're looking at me is if there's something wrong with me.

anyway, first period comes along. borrrring. he repeats EVERYTHING word for word. its a marketing class. i have an "A" but that doesn't change the fact that everything but the material annoys me in that class. plus this one girl that i keep looking at :O

second period. weightlifting.

lmao! me + weightlifting is verrrry interesting. my situps are half assed and i can't even jump rope right, let alone bench over 80 pounds... i feel so girly in that class!

third period, anatomy, blah blah blah funny teacher, cute guy next to me, w/e.

fourth period IS SUICIDE IN AN EQUATION.
Algebra II. My teacher looks like a fat gremlin on crack. I know that's mean. Very mean. But she's worse. She kills you with her eyes. Its scary. I die a little each day in that class.

Lunch, finally comes. Nasty fake meat aka bbq ribs are on the menu sooooo i grab a salad. this stupid group of girls felt the need to come in front of us as if they had special rights. fuck that. we spoke loud as hell about them, knowing they could hear.

good. they deserve it. those so called hispanic girls that have less ass than me. thats pathetic.

5th period, ap english, i fall asleep, get this pink spot on my face, yup it sucked.

6th period, its pick-on-sasha day every day there according to the teacher. peer counseling is the name of this class. pretty fun class, we watched "Lean on Me"

She made me put away my m&ms. gay.

Then i went home and that is my super boring day so far. Happy? I'll get more interesting toward the weekend, where I can actually have a lifeeeee. ya dig?