chipped nail polish

Everything you say evokes a tear
An ephemural epiphany of why you're not here
It wasn't something that I did wrong
It was manifested in the fact that we didn't belong
You spoke so many words that summoned thoughts in my mind
And recollecting memories that compel me to rewind
I try to disdain the accelerating beat of my heart
Because I know that our lives can't align and we'll depart
An incipient affinity that I could not understand
We obtained a bond that didn't go as planned
I had a vision, an ideal depiction
but it seems that what we had was just a contradiction
I'll consider this unrequited love, a stepping stone
and as I move on, I'll learn to leave you alone

On the outside looking in

Life is too short.

It really is.

I don't understand the people who feel the need to lie, and get someone to fall for someone that they aren't.

I don't understand the people who do everything out of "compassion" when in the long run, it was solely to benefit themselves.

I don't understand the people who give selfish advice, hoping for the outcome to brighten their own future.

I don't. I just don't.

Insideeee.

Trying to mold my future isn't easy when I have my goals constantly changing, and my mind constantly rearranging my priorities. It's almost as though I am growing up too fast for myself. It feels like too much for me to handle, and place a tight grasp on. The only aspects of my life that I cannot control are the only ones that I DO want to control. Oh well.


What it is, is what it do.

Ha.


Well IDK what else to say. I was inspired to write a poem or perhaps just a philosophical tidbit but I'm slacking..



Yours, with the greatest regards,

Sasha Butttt.

Growling Stomach

Bagel in my bag..
In the library..

NO FOOD OR DRINKS.

how gay!

(ANYWAY) Guess who has a job interview this Saturday @ Pacsun?! Yes, of course. YOU.

ok maybe not.. but ME.

I'm happy, i really need a job and I hope this is it. If I dont get hired anywhere by November 1st I'm gonna apply at the movie theaters and everywhere else because the holidays are arriving and people will be hiring.


Love life -> Still life photo.


Humour me with comments,

j'adore


Sasha

Wanting what you can't have

It's inevitable. I told him I don't want to contact him until he's really ready for me.

But I catch myself reaching for the phone, longing to hear his voice, for him to hold me again, and to kiss him again. This is so unhealthy. I cant go a minute without him crossing my mind.

I have an interview at Pacsun this saturday <3


Maybe this job will get my mind off of him!

I keep hearing break up and love songs everywhere and I just wanna say STFU!!


Miss you Angel Gabriel Rodriguez :(


*Love is a fairy taleeee.*

break-ups

So i just broke up with this guy that I liked alot-- i mean.. ALOT. He kept questioning his readiness for the relationship. That, of course, caused me to question it as well. Where are things going if you're doubting it?

Anyway- i got fired from my job. Whooo hooo job hunting time.

Have you ever tried to look at the bright side of things, but the fact that its so dim makes you even more depressed? Yeah- gay.


I've decided that I'm a beautiful, smart girl and I need to get my mind off of this guy that's just keeping me away from my personal interests and motives. There are plenty of other guys out there that are willing to accept me for me and never doubt for one second if they're ready to be with me.


Relationships are so devastating. Time for school- new job (hopefully) and future concentration. ;)



WISH ME LUCK, BRUH.!

NO HOMO

What makes me happy?

1.My boyfriend, Angel Gabriel Rodriguez
2.MY BEST FRIEND, teresa :D
3.Sex
4.Good Dreams
5.High Tippers
6.Feeling Beautiful
7.Sunrises
8.Inspiration
9.Good Luck
10.Freedom
11.Success
12.Food
13.Gay People
14.Animals wagging their tails
15.Gossip Girl
16.Big Butts
17.Maturity
18.Theme Parks
19.FIVE gum
20.Panera Bread
21.Movies
22.MUSIC: reggae, r&b, hip-hop, soca, ska, alternative, techno, classical
23.Midgits
24.Giants
25.Cute Kids
26.Being Charitable
27.Compassion
28.Accomplishment
29.Philosophizing
30.Being Young

This has no title.

What kind of man would put their whole gender to shame?
What kind of man would treat parenting like a game?
What kind of man would rather neglect than protect?
What kind of man would insult his own intellect?
What kind of man would steal a child's innocence?
Ignoring all reparations or any consequence..
Sure, traumatizing a child is against the law
But she'll never forget the anger in the eyes she saw
She wants to hate you, she chokes back so many tears
But to her you're just a sperm donor she'll forever fear.

AGR

I guess things sometimes dont come out the way you think they are going to come out! This guy has this crazy hold on me. His "masterplan" is working, huh.. I'm so happy and excited about it.

Love's Adverse Disguise

drenched in hate
the love is obscure
ironic is such fate
when love is shy and demure

tickled with animosity
love chuckles from afar
and despite its atrocity
love leaves its door ajar

greetings, fake hostility.
how are you, faux bête noire?
love is hiding next to tranquility
and hate knows exactly where you are.

You can't break a broken heart;;*

Currently listening to : "Life as a shorty" - Fashaun

So its completely evident in my life that I put alot on my plate right now. Between balencing school and work, and even volunteer work, I know the pressure is going to break me down at some point.

Shit keeps happening in life, but seriously, I don't expect ANYONE to pity me at all because shit happens to everyone. But personally, I'm really sick of being the victim.

So yesterday I lost my wallet, after I just cashed my check. I know. WTF I don't even know where I left it, and I only took it out at ONE point in the day. I retraced my steps. Someone obviously picked it up for their selfish benefit.

How's my love life, you ask? Okay so you don't care but I'll let it out anyway. My love life is vacant. It looks like an abandoned house that you know has a story behind it. One that just sits there, the occasional hoodlum breaks in but of course they don't stay. I was talking to this guy, we hung out on the daily. I guess we were taking things really fast, but I was really feeling him. Its ironic because at first I was very doubtful of him. He seemed like a player. Shoulda gone with my instincts, huh? Well turns out "I was an idiot to think he ever liked me" his words exactly. Asshole. And when I tried to convey my feelings to him, he took it as DRAMA and blew me off!

It was all because he said we weren't sexually compatible. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? And that of course, got me a little tight, because I've never heard that in my LIFE. So I said something that I can't recollect, and he says this shit. I wrote him a poem and I felt really stupid for doing so, after all was said and done, so I lied to him and said I wrote it for another guy. Stupid move because now he thinks I lied to him about everything from the start.


So right now, I'm all FUCK love HELLO academics :/ I don't think that's very healthy for me because I'm the type of person who needs interaction. I really do think i NEED it because I need to constantly be in touch with people.

Tomorrow I'm going out somewhere with this new guy in my life, Angel. Don't get any crazy ideas, the distance is unbearable so idk. But I am pretty psyched to finally hang out with him.


Thats all she wrote for now. I'm gonna be posting alot more often, I got a new laptop babes! ;]


Thanks for listening.
1Love.

iii wish i could fly away from here

You're reading this, I hope!

Well lately I've been mildly philosophizing.. I kinda gave up my faith in christianity for a faith in nothing. So what am I working for in life? To make a difference i guess. I just feel so caged up in my house. I mean being 17 I know I'm not 18 but I sure as hell feel like I'm 50.

I've been falling out of all I used to love to do. I miss building my beautiful vocabulary. I was once able to vociferate my feelings through a set of ostentatious words and now it's just a typhoon of jumbled ideas in my brain. Kinda like a knot you really don't feel like untangling!!

Anyway lately alot of people have been trying to get to know me for some reason. Its overwhelming. Because I'M getting to know myself right now. One minute I'm listening to Fur Elise and the next minute im listening to Kid cudi. I confuse myself!

I've been planning my future lately but i want something set in stone. Tomorrow I'm gonna go scholarship hunting and perhaps write a few essays for some. Good idea? I think so.


Love life? Idk.. Got someone in mind


I miss my best friend teresa! (not allowed to chill! her 'rents hate me cuz we snuck out!! when i slept over!!)

I wanna escape though.
Save up lots of money.
Leave.

Come back later and see who noticed i was gone~! :P

that sounded really emo but im not really feelin emo.

anyway i'm gonna write back tomorrow. :P


PCRS.

how can another human life have the power to take over mine?

So I ended up moving back in with the momsters.

Got a job.

Whoo hoo..

&& I'm SO sick of people. I really just want to find some people that are worth talking to! Not a waste of breath! Like "Hi and Bye" is getting so annoying. Whatever happened to "This is why we live" and other controversial conversations??

Well anyway I dont really feel like writing right now

just wanted to update

Peacesters!

sasha babykins

eat my words

My words by: Sasha Willey

My words imitate perfection and start to grind
as your cerebellum begins to masticate
and slowly acidifies your mind…

it's like they're advocates for acetate
words so strong they absquatulate
taking your thoughts with them

a plethora of biters, they're results are forced to coacervate
must I really elaborate? lets collaborate
put our minds together and be combinate
your mind will be so aroused it'll wanna copulate

let's go deliberate, deonerate, forget about having to dissipate
let me demonstrate how to avoid being a degenerate...
eliminate ignorance and duplicate bliss
because those two words will never be synonymous

writing.

I miss writing. I noticed this as I crave the exertion of force from my pen to my paper. I miss the rhyming, the reaching into the back of my mind for words that describe my thoughts in perfect timing. I feel suffocated. Like my mind has an appetite for jotting each word down like a needle to skin,

a memoir of the bleeding and healing of my mind. Like grabbing a skateboard and starting to grind. I put my mind in drive and my words come alive. Its like a leech feeding off of my blood, a tsunami of words; the synthesis of a flood. Its like everything I think of has already been said, my mind schemes to put obsolete thoughts to shred. Heart's racing at 200 beats a second, blood vessels constricting it's hard to reckon. Will these words break me? Will I fall? If I hit the graphite, I died giving it my all.

Its not far to never never land

So today was a pretty decent day. I woke up a little late, (meaning 5:55 AM) and went about my day. I got to school and took the CPT (College Placement Test). I finished early enough to make it to my anatomy class, meaning I had to present my STD project; on the Human Papilloma Virus, also known as HPV. I did pretty kickass, considering I did every ounce of research THE DAY it was due, and got away with presenting it today.

Then.. I saw "CHUBBY SHARK" after school. Teresa (the best friend) and I call him that due to his half-mohawk and his little chubby cheeks. Anyway he's really starting to like me alot. He's honestly the only guy that I'm talking to right now that's serious about me. We had a really good moment.

So off I go onto the LYNX bus. Unfortunately I know several people who ride it.. And they are just pests. Three of the dudes call me "Spongebob". Why?? Because of my teeth! How immature. Instead of getting pissed today, I embraced their theory of the spongebob correlation and laughed WITH them.

I swear I've been eating all day.

I'm still waiting on some feedback on my job applications for several stores at the florida mall.

Gotta do my math and peer counseling project! Toodle-loo! Ha.

Soooo,

NOTE TO YOU-- if you like me, [as more than a friend]-- And you read a story I write on my blog.. And it happens to not be about you.. Don't get upset with meh. Especialleh if I have shown no interest in you. Hate to be mean, but somebody's gotta say it.

**anyways**

I'm spilling out some anecdotes to test my memory. K??

A couple of weeks ago I went out on a "date". I say "date" because I paid for my movie ticket and he paid for his. I paid for my food and he brought his own. Lol. Anyway I'm not bashing him and his perspective on dating. I'll let him do him.

Anyway, we meet up at the movies (because i was dropped off with my friend) and he drove there. I immediately saw the guy, and said my goodbyes to Dustin's rude friends and Teresa.

I already had my ticket. --Fast and the Furious (the latest movie).--

It was opening night for it, so you can imagine that most of the showtimes were sold out, so we had to wait 2 hours. We walked around the Loop. We went to Bed, Bath, and Beyond because I wanted to show him this amazing massage chair. Ha. Epic Success.

Then we went to Yankee Candle (what was i doing to him?! lmao) and started smelling all the candles and voting on the best candle by rows.

Yeah I know. Weird. But at least he had fun too! Ha. Then I mentioned my hunger. And I offered to pay for my own panera bread meal. He didn't disagree with me paying for it. So I went forth. And spent 9 dollars on a sandwich, salad, and lemonade.

I let him know that salads were very occasional for me, and normally I have a junky appetite.

Then we got to the movie and within 30 minutes of it I had fallen fast asleep on his shoulder. [keep in mind we still had never kissed before]. The movie ended and we met up with Teresa and made our way to his car.

Stopped at mcdonalds.

His treat.

Lol I kept it cheap and ordered an icecream cone and small fry (total of 2 dollars) and teresa ordered the same.

She drove his car, I sat in back with said date.

When we got to my house, Teresa got out and waited by the gate. I said goodbye (still no kiss)and walked to the house.

Men VS Women

So I never really thought this through. I've already realized that men and women think differently, but now I've come to the conclusion that men have totally different personality traits compared to women. Men rationalize situations more objectively, and they do it to maintain their ego at times. Women on the other hand tend to nit-pick every little thing, overanalyzing details and guessing the meaning of each action or behavior while a man would actually find out the facts. Women rely on the feelings and opinions. Some men don't know how to emotionally connect with anybody, including women. Those are most likely your self-absorbed, sex-loving fiends... Just kidding. But maybe. Lol.

Here's an example.. You're a girl at school, or at work, and you're walking through the corridor and you see a guy that you've had your eye on for quite some time. He takes a glimpse of you, smiles, and goes about his day. You approach your group of friends with a smile, "Heeee was giving me THE look."

A girl is likely to analyze his behavior and utilize it and mold it into something it totally wasn't. Whereas, a guy walking in the hallway realizes this gorgeous girl giving him the eye, and doesn't go write about the event in his diary.

Let's face it. Many men are emotionally detached and have a harder time with compassion than girls. They'd rather focus on justice, [notice most lawyers are men..] than subjective things. We can go on and on and run in circles about nature vs nurture and if these traits are biologically implanted within our genders.. But the way girls and boys have been raised might have alot to do with this. Double standards... Men feel a greater longing for freedom than females do. This might be why guys have a harder time committing themselves to one girl, while girls [not alll but generally] jump right on the chance

anyway, im closing with this. Men->sex, money, success Women->feelings, happiness, love, success [sex too but face it, they'd rather just find their other half.]

Sashie washie.

Interesting pics/ads

color picker concept by Park Jinsun



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The best tic tac toe ever :)
photo by Erik Johansson & via



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I BELIEVE IN God ONLY I SPELL IT nature



Ha.





Nuff said;

WOW!WOW!WOW!

Today, writing an essay about conformity and objective facts inspired me to write my opinion and experiences through quotes of the wise. Ha. Pretty conformist, huh?

[i really should make my own quote!] [heyy! that could be a quote! lol]

"Opportunity's favorite disguise is trouble." --Frank Tyger

Wow!! If you really think about this.. I mean dig deep! What usually happens after a tragedy? An opportunity! What happened, reluctantly, after World War II?? The economy bursted with opportunities! The world war was cause for a successful contingency in the emerging job world etc! When something lamentable happens to you, it doesn't usually last forever. You're in love and it doesn't work out. You are heavyhearted and you're convicted in "never loving again". The next month, you meet somebody phenomenal. They sweep you off your toes with a silk broom and gently concoct a new love, stronger, and exceeding your past feelings for your previous love affair. Fate? Who the hell knows?

Here's another one... Whew!

"Beware the flatterer; he feeds you with an empty spoon." --Cosino De Gregrio

When someone is gassing your head up.. They want something. Something that will just benefit themselves in the long run. Seriously. It all leads to SELF BENEFIT. Unless you're one of those rare type people that genuinely want to just please everybody. Damn.

That's good for today. I have Shai's "If I ever fall in love" song stuck in this conforming/nonconforming head of mine.

Wait.. If ur not conforming.. then technically aren't conforming to not conforming???

--signing offfff! sasha!

*i LOVE teresa;;

Mind -> Hand

I recently recall a certain recognition. A recognition that I truly miss writing, because I'm even jotting down notes and I feel like rocks are being lifted off of my shoulders.

I can feel my hand yearning to coalesce with my mind. My psyche has an appetite, a thirst, that only a stanza can satiate. An emittance of goosebumps exudes from my spine. I can hear an intense recollection, a stampede of thoughts, preparing themselves for a new world. My notebook. My vitality suddenly revamps into an anecdote.

Look inside your tiny mind

Is it love when you first see them?
When they first catch your eye?
Or does it eventually fabricate
into a love you can't deny?

Is it love when your spine gets goosebumps,
and your palms start to sweat?
Or if you're reminded of them hourly,
from sunrise to sunset?

Could it be that newfound feeling,
that tingle in your tummy?
Or could it be your bundles of laughter
because everything they say is funny?

Could it be when you start missing them
the second that they leave?
Because their lack of presence
becomes so hard to conceive...

Is it love when you start crying,
because you found out everything was a lie?
And they never really loved you,
After dedicating your heart, body, and mind?

Is it love when your heart is broken
into infinitesimal little pieces?
And after every yellow ray of sunlight
a tear from your eye releases?

Is it love or is it hate
when you doubt what you once felt,
possibly because you're mad at fate
for the hand that you've been dealt?

Was it love or imagination?
I can't seem to figure it out
Was it love or infatuation?
Because I'm not sure what LOVE is about..

-S.

So there's alot going on right now!! I know I have been slacking on my blog but I've been kinda afraid to write in it ever since I realized how easy it is to find it through search engines. Ahhh well. Stick it in your juice box and suck it! So I have recently moved in with my Nana again. Yes, I said again because it isn't the first time that I moved in with her. The first time was when my mom was still with Mike and I was having difficulties respecting his authoritah. This time it was because I went out to a teen night club and I didn't come back until the next morning. What I did was seriously not even worth getting in trouble for!!!!! Because the people that I ended up hanging out with were completely ignorant and stupid. I say this because I got my feelings hurt. A guy that I thought liked me in fact didn't like me at all. He was basically just a womanizer who was trying to get with ME and my FRIEND at the same time. I'm sorry but I don't associate with grimy ass players.... ANYWAYYYYY to the good news. Teresa will be coming to mersa high school [name disguised for protection] with me next week! I'm so freaking happy about it because I have a few friends at this school, just none that I can completely trust. She's planning on saying goodbye to all her gateway people and joining me here at "MHS" haha. Sooo Jay. The asshole. is back in my life. DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA.

I can't even describe how dramatic everything seems when it has to do with him. We have more mutual friends than I knew because now I'm finding crap out that didn't even know before!!!!!!!!! To go into detail--- there's this guy.. We'll call him "Jake" because I like that name. Well... "Jake" was a friend of mine in which I instilled trust into. One day I was crying about Jay and "Jake" was there to help me vent. I told him some things I shouldn't have told him and he blew it all out of proportion! He told (we'll call this guy Ron) Ron that Jay had raped me! What a terrible lie!!!!!! So now Ron and Jake see Jay as a rapist.

Anyway. That pissed me off. And another thing... (Let this girl be Mariah) Mariah went and BOTHERED Jay about me. Bothered him. So he got annoyed with my name. She got him so annoyed, to the point where he didn't want to hear it anymore, so he told her that I was a big regret, I'm annoying, and he tries to avoid me. Dude. This was like a stab in my heart. I was so upset that I felt like PUNCHING him.. Maybe cutting his balls off.

I miss my family :( Living in ********** is soooo boring sometimes). I feel bad because I feel like I'm losing touch with my mom.

I'm fat. I weigh 140! Lol jk I'm not fat. I want to be 135 lbs.


Ohhhh and Joel.. Hmmm what can I say about Joel ^_^ He makes me laughhhhhh I need that.


I'm not serious with anybody right now. Maybe I'll find out about a random guy that likes me or something ^_^

Anyway... I've written too much.

HASTA LUEGOOO :p

SASHA