So there's alot going on right now!! I know I have been slacking on my blog but I've been kinda afraid to write in it ever since I realized how easy it is to find it through search engines. Ahhh well. Stick it in your juice box and suck it! So I have recently moved in with my Nana again. Yes, I said again because it isn't the first time that I moved in with her. The first time was when my mom was still with Mike and I was having difficulties respecting his authoritah. This time it was because I went out to a teen night club and I didn't come back until the next morning. What I did was seriously not even worth getting in trouble for!!!!! Because the people that I ended up hanging out with were completely ignorant and stupid. I say this because I got my feelings hurt. A guy that I thought liked me in fact didn't like me at all. He was basically just a womanizer who was trying to get with ME and my FRIEND at the same time. I'm sorry but I don't associate with grimy ass players.... ANYWAYYYYY to the good news. Teresa will be coming to mersa high school [name disguised for protection] with me next week! I'm so freaking happy about it because I have a few friends at this school, just none that I can completely trust. She's planning on saying goodbye to all her gateway people and joining me here at "MHS" haha. Sooo Jay. The asshole. is back in my life. DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA.

I can't even describe how dramatic everything seems when it has to do with him. We have more mutual friends than I knew because now I'm finding crap out that didn't even know before!!!!!!!!! To go into detail--- there's this guy.. We'll call him "Jake" because I like that name. Well... "Jake" was a friend of mine in which I instilled trust into. One day I was crying about Jay and "Jake" was there to help me vent. I told him some things I shouldn't have told him and he blew it all out of proportion! He told (we'll call this guy Ron) Ron that Jay had raped me! What a terrible lie!!!!!! So now Ron and Jake see Jay as a rapist.

Anyway. That pissed me off. And another thing... (Let this girl be Mariah) Mariah went and BOTHERED Jay about me. Bothered him. So he got annoyed with my name. She got him so annoyed, to the point where he didn't want to hear it anymore, so he told her that I was a big regret, I'm annoying, and he tries to avoid me. Dude. This was like a stab in my heart. I was so upset that I felt like PUNCHING him.. Maybe cutting his balls off.

I miss my family :( Living in ********** is soooo boring sometimes). I feel bad because I feel like I'm losing touch with my mom.

I'm fat. I weigh 140! Lol jk I'm not fat. I want to be 135 lbs.


Ohhhh and Joel.. Hmmm what can I say about Joel ^_^ He makes me laughhhhhh I need that.


I'm not serious with anybody right now. Maybe I'll find out about a random guy that likes me or something ^_^

Anyway... I've written too much.

HASTA LUEGOOO :p

SASHA

Everything they say is bad feels so good

I've been afflicted by addictions. I won't tell you what they are.

Anyway, I've been craving some spontaneity. Some random ideas, creativity. What happened to the guys that wanna take you skydiving? So anyway I think I'm looking for something serious in a guy but I wanna take it slow. Cuz last time someone tried to talk to me, they took it too fast and I kinda shut them out. It's not really because I didn't like them, it's just that it kinda scared me because it's something I'm not exactly used to.

Let me reiterate something: every time I write in my blog, I think of someone who apparently has forgotten about me. Because camilo's the reason why I even started this blog. Anyway, I'm gonna go get dressed and str8en my hair. Call me before my casa phone is disconnected.

Pcers.
Sash.

It's been a while

Gay.

Am I?

I'm not even sure anymore. Lately, I've been so boy crazy that I've been questioning my "sexual orientation". I mean, I'm attracted to girls, but definitely not in the sense that I might be attracted to a guy. Butttttt I definitely get little crushes. But are they really crushes? Or do I just WANT them to be crushes? I'm just trying to be real. I don't want to claim a title that doesn't neccessarily apply to me. I mean... I don't run around the school screaming "HEY I'M BI" just as a straight person wouldn't go running around screaming "Yo I'm straight!" Wtf... That is YOUR business. If I'm bi, I'm bi. Fuck haters, fuck skeptics, fuck your mom. Lol. JKKK jk. Not even. Who says you have to pick one? Why can't you just be a human? Who cares about labels like gay, straight, or bi?? I think it's just superfluous information people use just to give themselves another quality. Seriously. Are you that boring?? Anyway, Imma write more later, I gotta get to my online personal fitness class. Hah. Procrastination is seriously my specialty.

Talk to ya later hoes

sasha

WHOA details.

Didn't go to school today. *Sick*. Seriously though. I was coughing and headache-ing, and sneezing, and in pain, period. I found out the other day that I had to go to a desposition [sp?] for a possible trial in the future. Wow this was soo overwhelming because it meant I had to relive a crazy incident all over again. The public defender [more like staunch defender] was practically probing me, and I was supposed to be the victim. Man it was awkward.

Walking into a court house, people seem so uptight. With their business suits and suitcases. You can't help but wonder... What the hell do they have in that stupid suitcase? Then there are the people that are there for their own issues.. You walk down the corridor and they stare at you as if they can guess your reason for being there. Yeahhh I was just glad it was only 1hr and 1/2.

Today I went into this extreme TV mode and watched "Failure to Launch" (greatttt movie.) and "Affinity" (verrry different.)

Affinity was about these lesbian women [no it wasnt porn] and it back in conservative 1800s times.. Anyway, it was quite the weird movie of the year. It goes in the same category as "American Beauty".

So I went crazy today with an overcoming feeling of unproductiveness so I decided I am gonna write a list.

I am no longer depending on other people to fix my problems, or even listen to them!

No longer will I share my secrets with more than 1-2 people that I really love/care about.

I won't be allowing guys to control my decisions

I'll be writing in this blog more often, exercising my mind because "Lord" knows how long that's been..

Stop saying things like "oh my god" or "jesus christ" since I don't believe in either.

I can't remember any more right now. lol
So anyways.. Thats all I feel like posting. Here, I'll take a picture for goodbye's sake=]

My day. Sucked?

Yep.. Today was one of those days... First off it started out with this guy I'm talking to. We're not

exclusive but we do things that an exclusive couple does. He tried to leave with the sorriest

goodbye ever so I slammed the door in his face [i didnt want him to leave in the first place..]

It made me so mad because everytime he comes to my house [or the opposite] something

random always comes up and he has to go within 10-20 minutes, [20 if im lucky!]... He treats

me as if I am lucky to have him when to be honest, he's lucky to have me because he does

nothing to make me happy! Well today I told him how he is losing me and just can't have

me anymore. He took the "give me a chance.. i'm so pressured" approach. This pissed

me off even more because I was never pressuring him.. He was just pushing me away!

Afterwards [sorry for all the ranting...] I got into 6th period and my teacher Mrs. Earle kept

scolding me and she took away my phone and all I did was look at the time... Ridiculous shit.



Anyway... Glad I got that off my chest. He only loves me when I leave him so maybe I should

be out of his life forever if I want him to feel the same way about me as I do him!

UGHHHH.

-Right now I'm listening to Avant's "When it hurts"
-It reminded me, sadly, of my "relationship" with Jay.
-My neck is KILLING me.
-The library is really stuffy and I smell my perfume 3x more than earlier
-I miss so many people :[
-Tired of shedding tears;;;

R

OK so...

I'm writing this blog.

I'm getting really annoyed at the sound of
my parents eating. So I'm deciding to write
a blog later. -__-.


Sasha

Oh honey get over yourself.

So I've been given lots of options lately...

-To move back with my nana and go to my old school [ghs] and leave schs
-To keep talking to this guy who takes me for granted or just find somebody else
-To volunteer at give kids the world, or the local hospital
-To stay working at sea world or get a different job.


I have mixed feelings about options. I hate having so many but I hate having none.

Random facts about right now:

*I swear theres a future pimple on my nose
*I need something to drink! [just had sunchips for dinner. yes dinner.]
*I've been dying to have a meaningful conversation. I'm tired of this "lets fuck" bullshit.
*My brother is smashing a grocery bag with no reasoning.
*I cleaned my whole house today when I was by myself
*I'm listening to common [who is awesome]
*I'm textin Camilo
*Emmanuel and his buddy are gonna come chillax at my casa for a bit.


anyway... this past week was whooo let's just say "different".

I've come to the realization that I'm talking to a LOSER!!!! Ugh a straight up loser. I seriously have to drop him immediately. He makes me feel inferior all the time [so not the case] and I'm FOREVER helping him with everything but the minute I ask for a favor, he doesn't have my back. Ok buddy. TTYN. End of that subject.

Last night I had an amazing experience.

I had the choices to either go to

a) give kids the world
or b) club coco's teen night

And of course... I chose a) give kids the world. For those that don't know, give kids the world is an organization that gives away free week-long vacations to families that have a child(ren) with a terminal illness. I had the opportunity to serve dinner to these families and let me just say these are the sweetest kids you'll ever meet. One of them just came out of nowhere and thanked me. For nothing. I did nothing. [aww]. Oh by the way, a terminal illness is an active and malignant disease that cannot be cured or adequately treated and that is reasonably expected to result in the death of the patient.

Fact: Give kids the world has Christmas every Thursday because some of the kids won't make it to Christmas this year.

I get crazy goosebumps with the idea of these kids knowing they're gonna die. And I see these huge smiles on their faces. I absolutely love volunteering there.


See if we all just come together, get a job and volunteer elsewhere, I swear our economy would rise. Too bad most of us are too lazy. We can't be independent individuals without complaining. We even choose to dress and look like everybody else. wtf.

Now that I've succeeded in changing the subject completely, lol, I might as well close.

Thanks for reading, and until next time honey.

Sasha Audrey.